Humour Cafe

The smallest - and cutest - creatures you will ever see

As a 4.9 inch chihuahua is named the world's smallest dog, meet some more of the smallest - and quite frankly the most ridiculously cute - animals you will ever see.
When his owner shouts "Heel!" Ducky the dog has little choice but to take things literally. At just over ankle height, the three-year-old short-coat chihuahua from Boston in the U.S. has just been named the smallest living dog in the world by Guinness World Records.

At only 4.9in tall, Ducky weighs less than 1lb 6oz. His head is the size of a large strawberry. "He is such a funny little guy," says his owner Lisa Messier, who bought him for £2,500 when he was 13 months old. "He doesn't go out for walks, but if you want to go out, you can just put him in your bag."

Chihuahuas are the smallest dogs in the world - in fact, the only "natural" toy breed. Other small pups are the result of breeding down larger breeds. Celebrities such as Paris Hilton and Madonna are well-known fans of chihuahuas. Ducky succeeds Danka Kordak, a 5.4in chihuahua from Slovakia, in the record books.
This black-headed sagui dwarf monkey from Brazil measures 4in and weighs 5.6oz. They are found in a small area between two remote rivers. The breed was discovered only ten years ago when a local man found one on a boat and showed it to a scientist, who tested its DNA.
Mr Peebles, the world's smallest short-haired domestic cat, measures just 6.1in - the size of a typical sixmonthold kitten. After being rescued from a house where he was badly treated, he lives in a vet's clinic in the U.S.
Tiny Tim is a 0.75in Roborovski - the world's smallest breed of domestic hamster. The Mongolian mammals were imported to Britain by London Zoo in the Sixties, and they are never more than 2in.
Walter, the smallest tortoise in the world, perches on the head of 35-year-old giant tortoise Otto at Hanover Zoo. While the largest tortoise measures up to 43in, the smallest is only 3in.
Only slightly bigger than a 50p piece, PeeWee is the smallest hamster in the world. Weighing less than an ounce, the golden hamster stopped growing when he was three weeks old - his five brothers and sisters went on to measure between 4in and 5in.
The pygmy shrew or sorex minutus is one of five types in Britain and measures as little as 11/2in. They feed mainly on woodlice and insects, can eat 125per cent of their bodyweight and live up to 13 months.
One of the smallest primates on earth, the tiny Philippine Tarsier is a nocturnal animal that feeds on insects. Growing up to 41/2in, it is a protected species, but, sadly, looks in danger of becoming extinct. Often mistakenly called a monkey, it is, in fact, related to lemurs and bushbabies.
These pygmy marmosets are clinging to a zookeeper's fingers at Froso Zoo in Sweden. The world's smallest breed of monkey, found in the upper Amazon basin, they can reach a height of 13.7in, but these newborns are only 3in.
This bee hummingbird measures 2in from the tip of its beak to the end of its tail. Weighing only 2g - as much as half a teaspoon of water - it is found in Cuba's dense forest. Only the male has a red head - the female is plainer.

Police 'arrest' scarecrow - for impersonating a traffic officer

A scarecrow dressed to look like a traffic cop didn't go down too well with real police officers.

In fact they took the matter so seriously when they heard about it a patrol car on the way to the scene of a fatal crash was diverted to pay the scarecrow's owner, Christopher Strong, a visit.

And after ordering him to take it down, officers warned him that he could be accused of impersonating a policeman.

Mr Strong, 58, dressed the one-legged straw dummy in a fluorescent yellow jacket from Halfords and a police hat from a joke shop for a village scarecrow competition.

He added a striped tie, epaulettes and a home-made badge reading "Scarecrow Traffic Policy'. His creation was completed with a speed gun fashioned from a ladies' hairdryer and a broken solar light from his garden.

But just a day after he propped the scarecrow on top of his privet hedge in the village of Mickle Trafford, near Chester, pointing its fake speed gun along the busy A56 main road in the hope it would deter motorists from speeding, he felt the full force of the law.

"It caused a real stir in the village," said Mr Strong. "The officers were rather brusque and told me they had received several complaints from motorists who thought it was a real police officer and that it could cause an accident if a car braked suddenly.

"I couldn't believe it. Then, perfectly seriously, they told me to remove the policeman's hat and the hairdryer camera or I may be accused of impersonating a police officer.

"I explained that it was a scarecrow in a competition with a head full of straw and one leg, but they were not in the least amused."

Mr Strong refused to change the uniform of his scarecrow, but was ordered to move it out of sight of drivers on the road. It now resides behind the hedge.

Villagers were stunned by the police response and Audra Goodall, who organised the competition to raise money for the local primary school, has written to Mr Strong saying: "I know many people in the village thought your entry was fantastic - surely anything which slows the traffic down through Mickle Trafford is a good thing."

She added: "Before organising the competition I visited the police to ask if there was any guidance to making scarecrows. They certainly did not mention anything about making a scarecrow police officer."

A Cheshire police spokesman said: "There appears to be a little misunderstanding. What we meant was that if a member of the public was wearing clothes like those the scarecrow was wearing, they could be prosecuted for impersonating a police officer.

"We did not intend Mr Strong to think either he or his scarecrow would be prosecuted."

Slim g4 world’s thinnest optical mouse

This sweet little mouse is really a very useful stuff for laptops users who hating using their hand tiring inbuilt mouse or no need of carrying an extra gram spare mouse everywhere when you take your laptop.

Usually 70% of the lappy users carry an external mouse with their laptop bags out of which they feel sick of connecting the mouse again and removing it when not in use or while carrying. But this SLIM G4 mouse is a magical gift for seekers. G4 which is of 5mm thickness can be fixed as a card into PCMCIA slot of your laptop when not in use.

Wait we are not just talking about its compactness when not in use but the usability which is most important of all. So do you think this mouse could compensate the pleasure and comfort given by the usual mouse? Absolutely yes, when you eject the mouse out of the PCMCIA slot for using, it automatically unfolds to perfect position such that it gives support to your palm while using the mouse.

Baby robot that can walk, talk and feel

It is not quite as sophisticated as C-3PO from Star Wars or Data from Star Trek, but earth engineers have managed to create a young android.

Covered in a grey putty-like silicone skin the baby bot can roll around and 'speak'. It can even take a few steps if encouraged enough.

Built by Japanese scientists Minoru Asada and Hiroshi Ishiguro (who famously created an android twins of himself), the robot called CB2 weighs 33kg and stands 130cm tall.

It has 197 tactile sensors embedded in its outer layer and 51 compressed air-powered actuators, which allow it to react to touch.

When CB2's shoulders are tapped, it blinks as if surprised, stops moving, and turns its gaze toward the person who touched it. It will also try and grab a toy dangled in front of it.

Future research at the Japanese Science and Technology Agency in Osaka will attempt to improve the body functions of CB2 - whose full name is 'Child-robot with Biomimetic Body.'

They also want to write software allowing it to walk and talk like a three-year-old.

The baby robot turns towards you if you tap it

Picasso fan converts his car into work of art on wheels

If Pablo Picasso had gone in for car design, the result would have been something like this.

Or so Andy Saunders says. The 44-year-old mechanic spent six months turning an aged Citroen 2CV into a cubist work of art inspired by Picasso's Portrait of Dora Maar.
"I decided to blur the line between car design and art by using Picasso as inspiration-said Mr Saunders, from Poole, Dorset.

"I studied Picasso and noticed that he used mainly primary colours and I've stuck with that for the car.

"I named it Picasso's Citroen and I think it is much better than the Citroen Picasso, which is a boring people carrier.

"I think I know which one Pablo would have preferred."

Mr Saunders is to launch his creation publicly at this weekend's Goodwood Festival of Speed.

He says it is legally roadworthy for daytime use only, meaning it does not need traditional headlights or indicators because signals can be made with the hands.

He added: "I made all the new parts and have distorted the whole car so the more you look at it the more peculiar it becomes.

"It hasn't lost any of its speed - it can still reach 65mph. Eventually I hope to sell it and maybe it will be bought by the Tate Gallery or the Pompidou Centre in Paris.

"It's hard to put a value on it now, but as it's a work of art I reckon it might sell for about a million pounds.

"However, if museums or art collectors won't buy it, I think I might have to stick it in Auto Trader."

Pigasso: The little oinks making a splash in the art world

With modern art fetching such astronomical prices these days, you can't blame a guy for trying to cash in.

Staff at Pennywell Farm in Buckfastleigh, Devon, have taken a novel approach to fundraising as they turn their pigs into painters.

Their miniature pigs have been creating works of modern art which sell for up to £16 each and have so far raised more than £150 for the Farm Crisis Network charity.

Farm owner Chris Murray feels the work of their enthusiastic piglets' snouts and trotters could stand alongside notable works of "messy" art such as that by world-reknowned Jackson Pollock.

The little piggies get to work creating their 'work of art'

He said: "The pigs tended to go more for pointilism - they weren't too keen on cubism. We think of them as our little Pigassos."

Trotters Independent Painters began their career by accident when the piglets broke loose at a craft fair at their home, and began investigating tins of non-toxic paint with their snouts and trotters.

'Naked Gardeners' open up for the public

When Ian and Barbara Pollard let it be known that they enjoyed gardening in the nude, they attracted a fair amount of coverage.

What they didn't expect, however, was to discover that their enthusiasm for clothes-free horticulture was shared by so many others.

So much so that the Pollards now hold special naturist open days at their highly acclaimed five-acre garden in Wiltshire. On Sunday, they had about 350 visitors, with about 300 disrobing.

Word spread of the couple's stripped-down approach after Mr Pollard, 61, and his 54-year-old wife appeared on the BBC show Gardeners' World.

Since then they have been inundated with requests from other naturists asking if they can visit their Abbey House Gardens in Malmesbury, which is open to the public from March to October, and stroll around in the way nature intended.


Mr Pollard, an architect, said: "At first I said no because we would be responsible for their behaviour. But in the end we were having so many inquiries we thought why not have set days when they can do it?

"So we started what we call our 'clothes-optional days'. That was three years ago. This year we are having six 'clothes-optional days', our most ever. The next is on June 17."

Regular 'Clothing Optional' days encourage visitors to discover the joys of a naturist's life

Mr Pollard said naked gardening is no more dangerous than gardening fully clothed.

"Waving sharp implements around is just as dangerous if you have trousers on or not," he said.